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Test Your Relationship Fitness

Remember, this about you, not her. Of course she had plenty of faults too. But someone else is going to have to create the Relationship Fitness Test for Women.

Take this quiz – and maybe have your wife or partner answer these questions as well about you, and talk about the results. If you dare.

1-3. When was the last time you did the following things without any expectation of sex?

A= Today
B= Yesterday
C= This Week
D= This Month
E= This Year
F= Why?

1. Hug your wife [A-B-C-D-E-F]

2. Touch her [A-B-C-D-E-F]

3. Kiss her [A-B-C-D-E-F] (aside from a routine “goodbye” kiss in the morning or perfunctory “hello” after work.)

4-6. How often do you do these things (again, without expecting sex)?

A= Many times a day
B= Once or twice a day
C= Several times/wk
E= A few times a month
F= Once a month or less

4. Hug [A-B-C-D-E-F]

5. Touch [A-B-C-D-E-F]

6. Kiss [A-B-C-D-E-F]

7. Do you kiss goodbye in the morning?   ( ) Yes   ( ) No

8. Hello in the evening? ( ) Yes   ( ) No

9. How would people describe you?

(A) Warm-hearted   
(B) Cold-hearted
(C) Lukewarm-hearted.

10. How would your wife describe you.

(A) Warm-hearted   
(B) Cold-hearted
(C) Lukewarm-hearted.

11. Would your wife describe being around you more like “a cold shower” or “a warm bath”?

( ) A cold shower 
( ) A warm bath 
( ) It depends

12. If you answered, “It depends,” what percentage of the time are a “warm bath”?

(a) 10-25 percent
(b) 25-50 percent
(c) 50-75 percent
(d) 75-90 percent

13. Which of these four would your wife say you most closely resemble?:

(a) A prickly pear
(b) A sheltering oak
(c) A weeping willow
(d) A telephone pole  

14. When was the last time you said, “I love you” to your wife?

(a) Today
(b) Yesterday
(c) This week
(d) This month
(e) This year
(f) Huh?

15. …genuinely said, “I’m sorry”?

(a) Today
(b) Yesterday
(c) This week
(d) This month
(e) This year
(f) Why should I?

16. …complimented or praised her?   (“You’re a good mother” and “You’re so sexy” don’t count.)

(a) Today
(b) Yesterday
(c) This week
(d) This month
(e) This year
(f) Come on, she’s my wife!  

17. BONUS EXTRA CREDIT! When was the last time you said, “You are (or you could be, or you may be) right?

(a) This week
(b) This month
(c) This year

18. On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel about the following request from your wife:   Honey, I’d like to sit down and talk about our relationship.”

(1) I would welcome it enthusiastically
(5) I would neither welcome it nor dread it.
(10) I’d rather be getting a root canal without the benefit of Novocaine.

19. How long are you usually able to stand such a conversation?

(a) 3 seconds
(b) 3 minutes
(c) 10 minutes
(d) 10-20 minutes
(e) More than 20 minutes.

20. Do you feel like you can contribute to this conversation?

( ) Yes   ( ) No

21-22. How many minutes, total, do you and your wife spend talking to each other a day, aside from scheduling, chore division and logistics?

21. Weekdays:

(a) 1-15; (b) 16-30; (c) 30-45; (d) 45-60; (e) More than 60  

22. Weekends:

(a) 1-15
(b) 16-30
(c) 30-45
(d) 45-60
(e) More than 60  

23. How much of the time are you talking during these conversations?

(a) More than 75 percent
(b) 75 percent
(c) 66 percent
(d) 50 percent
(e) 33 percent
(f) 25 percent
(g) Less than 25 percent

24. At home, are you a “man of few words”?

( ) Yes ( ) No

25. Would you describe yourself as a “simple and uncomplicated guy”?

( ) Yes ( ) No

26. How much do you wish your wife could just “live and let live”?

(1) Not at all
(2) A little
(3) Some
(4) A lot  

27. How often?

(1) Never
(2) Seldom
(3) Occasionally
(4) Often
(5) Practically every day  

28. How much of the household income do you provide?

(a) Less than 25 percent
(b) 25-40 percent
(c) 40-50 percent
(d) 50-60 percent
(e) 60-100 percent  

29. How often do you promise to do something for your wife and not deliver?

(a) Never
(b) Seldom
(c) Occasionally
(d) Often
(e) Practically every day  

30. How often do you cook, clean, do laundry and put the kids to bed?

(A) Cook?
(B) Once a month
(C) Twice a month
(D) Once a week
(E) Twice a week  

(A) Clean?
(B) Once a month
(C) Twice a month
(D) Once a week
(E) Twice a week

(A) Laundry?
(B) Once a month
(C) Twice a month
(D) Once a week
(E) Twice a week

(A) Bed?
(B) Once a month
(C) Twice a month
(D) Once a week
(E) Twice a week

31. Do you think sex is something you’re “entitled to” as part of the marriage contract?

( ) Yes   ( ) No

32. How often do you think is the minimum frequency of sexual intercourse for a good marriage?

(a) Daily
(b) 3x/wk
(c) Twice/wk.
(d) Weekly
(e) Every two weeks
(f) Monthly
(g) It depends on a lot of things  

33. For the next few questions, answer how jealous or possessive (not envious) of your wife you get when she does the following things, using this scale:

1 = Not all
2 = A little
3= Some
4= A lot
5= Extremely  

(a) ( ) Go out with girlfriends for an evening
(b) ( ) Talk with girlfriends on the phone
(c) ( ) Spend very close time (hugging, snuggling, talking, playing) with your children
(d)( ) Spend very close time with your children from a previous marriage
(e)( ) Talk to other men in everyday situations (for example, a salesman at a store)
(f)( ) Talk to other men at a party
(g)( ) Flirt with another man at a party

34. Be really honest here. It’s a typical weekday, and your partner has calmly begun to talk about herself: her day, her friends, her hobbies, her career. How long do you listen before you become bored, tune out, get angry, pretend to listen while daydreaming about your job or a sports event, or try to steer the topic back to you?

(a) A minute
(b) 1-5 minutes
(c) 5-10 minutes or more
(d) 10-15 minutes or more
(e) More than 15 minutes  

35. She’s telling you about something that’s bothering her. How long can you listen before offering unsolicited suggestions about what she can do to feel better or improve the situation?

(a) A minute
(b) 1-5 minutes
(c) 5-10 minutes or more
(d) 10-15 minutes or more
(e) More than 15 minutes

36. How easy is it, usually, for your wife to change your mind or get you to do things you at first don’t want to do?

(a) Pretty easy
(b) Easy
(c) Maybe a little difficult
(d) Difficult
(e) Almost impossible

37. How easy does your wife think it is?

(a) Pretty easy
(b) Easy
(c) Maybe a little difficult
(d) Difficult
(e) Almost impossible  

38. Your wife is really upset and mad at something you’ve done and boy, she’s letting you know it. Do you

(a) Shrug our shoulders and turn away
(b) Turn on the TV
(c) Tell her she’s gorgeous when she’s angry
(d) Stare at her, apologize, explain, and hope, my God, she stops soon
(e) Yell back even louder – that’ll get her to shut up
(f) Try to really understand what’s upsetting her
(g) Order Chinese food delivered

39. How often do you get her a card and really nice gift for her birthday, Christmas or Hanukkah, your anniversary, Valentine’s Day and (if applicable) Mother’s Day?

(a) Every time
(b) Almost every time
(c) Most of the time
(d) Half the time
(e) Whoops!
(f) Gimme a break!

40. When was the last time you treated her really special for an entire evening, as if you were still trying to win her?

(a) This week.
(b) This month.
(c) This year.
(d) Last year.
(e) Woodstock.

Scoring

Once you have finished scoring, or at the end of the score sheet to see how well you scored.

1-3. A=5 points, B=4, C=3, D=2, E=1, F=0
4-6. A=5 points, B=4, C=3, D=2, E=1, F=0
7-8. 5 points for yes, 2 for no
9. A=5, B=2, C=4.
10. A=10, B=1, C=4.
11. “Warm bath” is 5 points, “Cold shower” is 2.
12. A=3, B=4, C=4, D=5.
13. A=0, B=5, C=0, D=6.
14-16. A=5, B=4, C=3, D=2, E=1, F=1
17. A=6, B=5, C=3.
18. (1) gives you 6 points, (5) gives you 3 and 10 gives you 0. Prorate the rest from there.
19. A=0, B=2, C=4, D=5, E=6.
20. Yes=5 = No=2
21. A=2, B=3, C=4, D=5, E=6
22. A=2, B=3, C=4, D=5, E=6
23. A=0, B=1, C, D, and E=3, F=1 and G=0
24. Yes=0, No=3.
25. Yes=0, No=3.
27-27. Add up your score to these two questions. If your combined score was 2, give yourself 6 points, 3-5, give yourself 5 points. 6, 3 points. If you scored 7-8, you get no points and 9, you lost 3 points.
28. A=3 (and another –3 if you watch any daytime TV!) B=1, C=8 points if you and your wife are happy with this. If either one of you isn’t, it’s 0. D=6, E=2.
29. A=6, B=5, C=3, D=1, E=1.
30. Each A=0, each B=1, C=2, D=3, E=4, F=5.
31. Yes=2 (for being honest). No=5.
32. A, B and C=1, D, E and F=2, G=5.
33. On a through f, answering (3) or (4) gets a –1 and (5) gets a –3. On g. (4) get a –1 and (5) gets a –2.
34. A=0, B=1, C=3, D=5, E=6.
35. A=0, B=2, C=4, D=5, E=6.
36. A=5, B=4, C=3, D=1, E=0.
37. A=5, B=4, C=3, D=1, E=0.
38. A, B and C=0. D and G=2, E= -3. F=5.
39. A=6, B=5, C=3, D=1, E=0, F=1.
40. A=6, B=5, C=3, D=2, E=0.

HOW YOU SCORED