Article
How Does A Man Balance Work and Family?
By
Linda S. Mintle, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist
Work
is important in men’s lives, but trouble erupts when work overshadows
family life.
Men often struggle to find balance
between the demands of work and home. Wives
complain that husbands are more married to the office than to them. Men feel they are doing what they are supposed to do as men – provide
for their families. The dilemma for many men is how to balance the needs of
family life with career. Not
attending to family needs has obvious consequences, but not attending to the job
means not being a serious contender for promotion.
Charles’ wife, Janet, resented his
undying dedication to his job. At
home with three small children, Janet wanted Charles to spend more time with the
family. Tension between Janet and
Charles was building. The couple
needed help.
Charles and Janet, represent many
couples struggling to find balance between the demands of work and home. Wives complain that husbands
are more married to the office than to them. Husbands feel they are doing what they are supposed to do as men –
provide for their families. The
dilemma for many men is how to balance the needs of family life with career. Not attending to family needs has obvious consequences, but not attending
to the job means that you aren’t a serious contender for promotion.
Women
who stay home sometimes envy the love affair men have with their work. Work can be exhilarating, exciting and even a frightening part of a
man’s life. Work often defines a
man and plays an important role in promoting his sense of self-worth
Career success often means –
“I’m somebody” to a great many men (and women). Men are taught that power, status and earning capacity are markers of
masculinity. Value is measured by
economic and occupational success.
Consequently, men have fears and
anxieties about failure and measuring up. Are
they good enough? Can they compete?
Will they win? The pressure
to perform can be intense and even self-imposed.
At home, performance is rated
through relationship – a world of unclear rules and every-changing demands. Women at home seem to have the edge when it comes to family rules and
details about children and households. Control
over outcome is not the same as at work.
Men like Charles aren’t up on the
current issues of home. At times,
Janet treats him like “a dummy” which makes the office more appealing. At work Charles feels competent – and in control.
Men like Charles need balance but
don’t always know how to achieve it. Balance
is a biblical concept dating back to the Garden of Eden. Man worked and then rested. Work
should be challenging and fulfilling but not the sole focus of being a man. If you are a man out of balance with work and family, try these steps:
*
Learn to set limits on the job.
*
Address fears of failure or not
measuring up to preconceived standards or unrealistic expectations.
Check
out what the Bible has to say about your worth apart from what you do for a
living.
*
Define yourself through your
relationship with God. He gives
unconditional love and approval of who you are.
*
Pray for wisdom and sensitivity to
balance the needs of family and career.
*
Re-evaluate your current position. Is what you do worth the sacrifice you are making in other areas of your
life? If not, ask God to direct
your path to a new opportunity or negotiate more balance.
Dr.
Mintle – author, professor, Approved
Supervisor and Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and
Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed
clinical social worker with 20 years in psychotherapy practice.
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